This Man I Found

This man I found,

Is there a way to express my love for him?

He is a man, yet a child, my child....

Do you see the eyes?

He has mine, you know.......

The beautiful smile on this man....

His happy soul shines through that smile...

To reach out and touch his face.....

It is a dream....

This man I found....

He was here with me so very long ago.

I have not been able to sleep for my joy is immense

My heart has been completely filled...

By the joy of his pictures, the warmth in his words.

This man I found...

He soothes my soul like no other.

My soul was left with a piece missing

Long ago, as was my heart....shattered...

How to tell you the darkness of pain

That lie there for so many years?

This man I found...

He was so beautiful, so fair, so warm.

Now, that I begin to know him,

He IS so beautiful, so fair, so warm...

He shows life, he represents life fulfilled...

When I thought mine would end...

So very long ago...

This man I found....

So difficult to put into words, they are so inadequate.

Words are simple, my feelings complex,

Joy, beyond Joy... Sheer JOY... Completeness,

Yes, completeness.

I feel complete, he has allowed me this, you know.

This man I found...

He did not need to let me in.

His heart is warm, kind, loving,

And, yet, he did... let me in...

He let me into his world, has shared his world with me.

I cry. I smile. I laugh a laugh I have not ever known....

Tears...of happiness beyond those anyone could ever

Know.....

This man I found....

I believe he understands my tears of joy.

He has brought them to me,

The smile on my face, the joy in my heart,

He has so kindly given to me, so kindly put there...

In my soul....

Deep within... He has completed me and filled those

Empty spaces....

This man I found....

He is funny, you know...

I smile at his words, the words I thought I would never hear....

Oh, I haven’t actually heard them...

Written to me, only written now,

But I do hear them,

Feel them with my heart, his warmth is there...

He has shared himself with me...

This man I found....

I have known him for many, many years.

Yet, I am just beginning to know him...

Strange to some,

They do not understand...

I am glad they do not... should they experience what I have...

Pain. Anguish. Love. Emptiness. Torment. Worry.

For some, for me, it is a burden never to leave your soul.

This man I found...

He has lifted my burden, he has caused the love to flow.

Torment is no longer, nor worry, pain, anguish.

Empty heart? Empty Soul?

I have forgotten what that feels like...

I never want to remember that feeling again.

I am filled, I am complete,

No missing parts, no missing love...

Only he in those places now.

This baby I let go....

He was my love, my blood, my sweetness.

So tiny, fair, warm, beautiful...

Yet, why he couldn’t stay with me...

Too young they said.

My love for him was not young,

My heart breaking was not young,

Only my years young.... not my tears...

My tears left me old... worn and tired.

This baby I let go....

I said good bye to him after only five days.

Death?

No.

Yet, it could have been so, as my heart broke,

My soul cried out, my torment filled every corner...

Of my being.

Life. Given.

Then, given away... to those who can....

New Life to my child, my tiny baby.

I love you....

This man I found....

He is the baby I had to leave.

So many years ago, his scent was burned...

Into my mind, my heart, my soul.

He has grown up now, this tiny little baby,

He is a man now.

The man I knew in my heart he would be,

The man I prayed for all these years...

Still, though, I wondered, and worried and cried....

How is he Lord? I need to know.....

This man I found...

How blessed I am to finally know him.

More blessed that he has chosen to know me....

To let me in, to share himself with me, to warm...

My heart and soul....

He has filled me....

This man I found...

You are joy in every way.

Thank you, my tiny baby boy...

For giving me your time, your words...

For allowing me to know you...

For completing me as no one has been able to do...

Ever....

You are the baby I let go....

You are the man I found....

Wonder, Warmth, Love, Happiness,

Completeness. of my heart, my soul, myself....

These things I have found...

When I found you, This man....

This baby I loved, this man I love.....

~gina oakes (2005)